Are you in this situation? Rest assured, you are not alone.
When faced with the possibility of divorce, the emotional fallout of infidelity can be devastating.
What will happen if you end your marriage? What will happen to you and your children? Where will you go?
If you are on the verge of divorce, the truth is that there is no quick fix in this situation.
I don’t want to mislead you by saying that every marriage can be repaired, in some cases the pain of infidelity is just too much to bear, some wounds are to deep to heal. If you are considering a divorce, it’s important to remember that no one can tell you whether to end your marriage or not. As difficult as it may be, this a decision you alone can make.
It’s natural to turn to friends, family and anyone else that you think can help you make the best decision. But ultimately, you are are the only person that truly knows how far you can go emotionally, and what you are prepared to live with.
Here are a few things to consider as you make this life changing decision that may help you decide the right course of action for you.
- Get Your Marriage Into The Best Shape It Can Be
You’re probably wondering if you’ve done everything you can to save your marriage, one thing I might suggest is getting your marriage into the best shape it can be before making the decision to divorce.
When your marriage is in a bad way, it’s easy to forget the good things about your relationship by the overwhelming pain you feel.
It’s a good idea (if you can) to try to uncover the the good in your marriage, by getting the marriage in the best shape it can be in the circumstances. Then you are in a better position to make an informed choice about what you would leave behind.
A good way to do this is to use one of the programs in Surviving An Affair a free course by marriage councilor Dr. Frank Gunzburg.
If you decide to take this approach, here are some tips:
#1. Set a hypothetical alarm clock that will go off at a time of your choice – 1 month, 3 months, 6 months whatever feels right. When the alarm goes off it’s time to stay, leave, or set the alarm again. The idea of the alarm clock will help to remind you that the effort you put into your marriage has a time limit of your choosing.
#2. Give it your best shot. If this is a last ditch attempt, at least you know you have done your very best to save your marriage, regardless of how your husband acts.
#3. Try not to talk about divorce during this period, until the hypothetical alarm is ringing. Talking about divorce isn’t going to help if you are trying to get your marriage back in shape.
Things may get better, they may not, you and your husband will decide that. If you can get your marriage in the best shape possible, you will be in a much better position to decide the best course of action.
Remember that getting a divorce may not solve ALL your problems. I would never advise anyone to stay in a marriage that just isn’t going to work, but a divorce may not solve your problems the way you might think. Divorce is complicated and emotional, and usually a long drawn out process.
It’s your decision whether to work on your marriage or not, but hopefully I have given some insight into what you can do to decide the best course of action. Remember that you are not alone, and professional marriage help is readily available.
I wish you the best with whatever decision you reach.